Isn't there a more perfect...

...pop song than the Kinks' "Lola"?

And then I found out that it was about a tranny. Sigh.

Sample lyic: "Well I'm not the world's most physical guy...but when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine...Well I'm not dumb but I can't understand...why she walked like a woman and talked like a man." And then this: "Girls will be boys and boys will be girls...it's a mixed-up, muddled-up shook-up world (except for Lola)."

And here's the kicker: "But I know what I am I'm glad I'm a man and so is Lola."

Yep, pretty clear to me now. OK, fine...but it's a damn good little song anyway. Even if it's Eddie Murphy's most favoritest song ever.

Ah, I love frenemies...

One asked this morning how to ask in Spanish the sentence, "Where can I buy a washer and dryer?" Why she came to me, I have no idea.

She's now asking this in Spanish Harlem: "Voluntad usted lava mi parte posterior?" Which translates to, roughly, "will you wash my ass for me?"

I am evil, yes. Note: I would not have provided this, had I known she was not going with two large guys.

Bring on the negative karma.

Hurling Out of the Abyss

If another person comments on how slow this month is, work-wise, I will be forced to hurt them. Seriously. Please, someone throw me a life raft.

Meta "Gawker Gossip Hotties" Thought

The below did not actually happen, but it would be funny if it actually did.

Jessica--

I know we've had our differences, but regarding your search for Gawker Gossip Hotties nominations, I would like to nominate you, Jessica Coen, for your own contest. You are totally deserving and totally worthy, you little minx! Oh, and could I also throw one in for Paula Froelich as well?

All the best, hugs and kisses, and cheers,
Richard Johnson
New York's "Page Six" Column

So meta, on so many levels.

Cofusing "Sudoku" With "Sodoku"

Over the past couple of weeks, I've been bitten by the "Sudoku" bug (if you're not sure about what the heck I'm talking about, check out the Wikipedia listing). The New York Post has been including this in each edition of the paper, and I've been ripping it out to work on later in the day, along with Will Shortz's crossword puzzle in the New York Times.

I'll fill it out on the subway, in the coffee shop, during a quick smoke break, whenever.

But here is where I caution everyone else about telling people about their addiction to this puzzle. As I found out today, the similar-sounding and similarly-spelled "Sodoku" is "an infection resulting from exposure to rats. Rat bite is the most common form of transmission, but other rat-contaminated substances can also transfer the disease to humans."

I found this out the hard way yesterday, when -- after I was asked by an elderly gentleman what I was doing -- said I "was suffering from Sudoku."

The gentleman spoke to me for 20 minutes, telling me I should go to a doctor and asking more about me. I thought he was nuts, but he just misunderstood me. No wonder he told me to not let it fester. Here, he thought he was helping to save my life and I was merely tolerating him.

It only finally dawned on me tonight, coming across the eCureMe listing for "Sodoku" tonight when I was trying to find a puzzle helper site for "Sudoku," similar to OneAcross.com for the Times crossword.

Note to all I have confused: I am not suffering from a rat bite. I just need to go out more, obviously, and stop playing distracting games.